6 Effective Mealtime Strategies to Try at Home Right Now
Don’t Force Feed
If your child isn’t hungry, don’t FORCE a meal or snack. Force-feeding a child can lead to emotional and behavioral backlash.
Don’t BRIBE your child to eat certain foods or clean his or her plate. This might only ignite — or reinforce — a power struggle over food.
Instead, you can :
1. set clear expectations around mealtimes
2. Be consistent with mealtime rules – don’t be wishy-washy as this will only send mixed messages to your child on what the rules and expectations are.
3. Allow for success. This is very important and keeps mealtime morale high for both children and caregivers. Offer a small amount and celebrate when he/she has eaten it all.
4. It’s better to offer seconds than remove an unfinished plate.
Consistency is Key
Consistency allows children to know what is expected from them at any given time. It is also a beneficial tool to foster positive relationships with caregivers that will continue to impact them later in life. This helps children predict how their caregivers will react in specific situations, such as when they throw food on the floor or do a silly dance. Consistency around mealtimes, provides a reassuring and safe way for children to organize information in their brain and gain an understanding of how the mealtime routine flows.
What can you do:
1. Create mealtime routines. Just like you might have bedtime routines, establish the same with mealtimes
2. Set clear mealtime expectations and rules. Don’t flip flop on these. It will confuse your child.
3. Be realistic. Set expectations that are realistic and attainable.
4. Involve other caregivers. Make sure to let other caregivers (grandma, nanny, etc) know what the routines are and why they are important for your children and family.
5. Offer emotional consistency. Not everything is or will be under your control. So when circumstances are not predictable, your reactions can still be. This will help your child better cope with unpredictable scenarios.
Be Patient
Children learn through seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, and tasting -aka sensory exploration. This multi-sensory approach to new experiences is also valid for eating. Young children often touch or smell new foods, and might even put tiny bits in their mouths and then take them back out again. Some children might need repeated exposure to a new food before they take the first bite.
What can you do:
1. Offer plenty of exploration opportunities with new foods.
2. Serve new foods along with your child’s favorite foods.
3. Always have 1 familiar food item on their plate.
4. Be patient.
5. Lead by example -eat the new foods also.
6. Praise child for touching it if that’s all they can do the 1 time.
7. Continues to encourage and use positive words.
8. Do not force feed.
9. Offer new food several times before saying they “just don’t like it”.
Do these strategies only with new /unfamiliar foods – not foods that they are able to eat or have previously eaten well.
Do Not Negotiate
Negotiating is an important life skill. Its definition means coming to an agreement through discussion – finding a middle or common ground. However, negotiation can also mean to try to get AROUND something. Kids will mostly do the latter. Don’t bargain with your child when it comes to eating. Discussions with your child that take place AFTER you’ve made your decision clear (for example what’s for dinner) are not negotiations with your child – but rather your child negotiating around you. They are basically trying to get their way on what they’ll eat.
What can you do:
1. Always make your expectations clear.
2. Involve your child in the decision, if appropriate – it’s easier to involve them in the process than trying to convince or negotiate with them later. For example, involve them in coming up with the dinner menu.
3. Don’t flip flop on your decision – remember consistency is key!
4. Do not use dessert as a bargaining chip. Withholding dessert sends the message that dessert is the best food, which might only increase your child’s desire for sweets. You might select one or two nights a week as dessert nights, and skip dessert the rest of the week — or redefine dessert as fruit, yogurt or other healthy choices.
5. Always have 1 familiar food item on their plate.
Silence is Golden
Often children will chat or engage in though behaviors in order to avoid doing what they are supposed to do, in this case eating. See kids thrive on reactions. The more we react to a behavior the more they will continue to do it. So you can either withhold reaction for undesired behaviors or you give a reaction for desired behaviors.
Some say to “ignore” but that’s something parents should never do. I like to rephrase it: do not react! And the best way to not react it to stay silent.
What can you do:
1. DO NOT react and STAY SILENT when your child is trying to talk their way out or engage in non-acceptable behaviors during mealtime.
2. DO react when they are eating their food or at least attempting to try new things.
3. DO react to good behaviors by giving verbal praise (nice bite, wow look at how good you can chew that) or physical praise (high fives, clapping). Find what types of positive reactions (aka positive reinforcement) motivates your child and use these.
4. DO NOT respond to negative opinions about the food. For example “this is too salty or ewww it’s mushy”
5. AVOID falling in the trap of talking as an escape.
6. DO NOT react to attempts to spit out food or throw food on the floor. You and the child can clean up after the meal is over.
Don’t be a Short Order Cook
Preparing a separate dish for your child after he refuses your meal might encourage picky eating and only creates additional work for you. Think about it: why would your child ever want to expand their diet, be adventurous to try something new, when he is well aware that in the end he will be served his preferred foods?
Making ONE family meal sends a few clear messages to your picky eater:
1. Be flexible.
2. Be grateful for the food you have.
3. Not every meal will be your favorite and that’s OK.
What can you do:
1. Make just one meal for everyone and be done with it.
2. Offer at least one preferred item as a side dish or as part of the ingredients.
3. Don’t negotiate.
4. Be firm but not threatening – think though love
5. Take turns serving each family member’s favorite meal. Everyone gets a chance to enjoy and share their favorite dish.
6. Offer praise for trying new foods.
7. Be patient. Offer new foods often.
Cindy was born and raised in Aruba, which fostered her fluency in four languages and a passion for the language arts. After graduating with her master’s degree from the University of Central Florida – GO KNIGHTS! – she had the opportunity to move around the country and work in Orlando, Boston, and Chicago, before settling in sunny Miami with her husband and 2 kids. At each of these career stops, she was fortunate to be part of extensive pediatric medical teams, working closely with and learning from fellow speech therapists, physical therapists, occupational therapists, nutritionists, lactation consultants, pediatricians, gastroenterologists, neurologists, early developmental specialists, respiratory therapists, behavior analysts, nurses, special education teachers and of course, parents and caregivers. Throughout her career, she’s enjoyed being an advocate for families whose primary language is not English and treasured the opportunities to help multiple families along their feeding journey.
Becoming a parent in the Spring of 2015 completely transformed her career perspective and approach. Understanding firsthand the anxieties and concerns that come with parenthood has propelled her to become a different type of clinician. One who’s more empathetic and focused on educating families and providers. Spurred by this newfound passion, and armed with 15 years of experience in the pediatric field, she decided to venture into a new approach to therapy.
Cindy is currently a clinical specialist at Nicklaus Children’s Hospital and an adjunct professor of Dysphagia at Carlos Albizu University.
